1. | Tuesdays With PrinceBy Prince So, the secrets of life are a purple motorcycle, not making doves cry, and never—ever—signing a contract with Warner Bros.? Okay, just checking. |
2. | Lake Wobegon Gets a Wal-MartBy Garrison Keillor What happens when Lake Wobegon is annexed into the Twin Cities’ suburban sprawl, gets a big-box store and a Cracker Barrel, and the lake is filled in to develop McMansions.
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3. | Bad Questions: The Stupidest Things People Have Ever Asked MeBy Jason DeRusha From “Is Amelia nice?” to “Why are the Packers so dumb?” to “Would you rather be stuck in a canoe in the Boundary Waters with Don Shelby or stuck inside Adrian Peterson’s shoulder pads for an entire game?” |
4. | The Edina DietBy Lynne Rossetto Kasper How to have your cake and eat it, too: the no-guilt guide to the good life for those who don’t deserve it (and are okay with that). |
5. | The 7 Habits of Highly Effective BillionairesBy Zygi Wilf Be rich. Stay rich. You can forget the other five. |
6. | Where I Hid the MoneyBy Dennis Hecker Knew it! |
7. | Where I Hid the Ruby SlippersBy The Wicked Witch Of The West Knew it! |
8. | Ouch!By Adrian Peterson’s Shoulder Pads Sample quote: “I’d rather be stuck in a canoe in the Boundary Waters with Don Shelby.” |
9. | Conspiracy of LoveBy Michele Bachmann and Danielle Steel The politician’s first foray into romance novels revolves around a plot to warm the earth to the point that no one needs clothes and everyone lives sexily ever after. |
10. | Joe Mauer’s SideburnsBy Joe Mauer A remarkably deep, almost Proustian analysis of the long, hairy strips, from shaving strategies (once a week, toe clipper!) to ideal length (“four inches—any longer and they look like two shy caterpillars trying to mate”) to their Samson-like powers at the plate (“moving my head slowly from side to side seems to hypnotize pitchers; also, they make ideal gum holders”). Brilliant. |