8 Things to Say to Sound Like a REAL Minnesota Sports Fan

Drop a few lines from this script to sound like a real fan

We live in a sports-obsessed culture, and even if you don’t know a zone defense from the Zone Diet (and don’t care), you’ll find yourself in conversations about local teams. Drop a few lines from this script to sound like a real fan:


“The quarterback situation is so murky, I hope playing at the U of M stadium doesn’t mean they get schooled. Not to mention Adrian Peterson is now as old as some of the professors.”

Gophers Men’s Basketball

“They won the NIT championship last year—the one that the best 68 teams don’t play in because they’re at the NCAA. I hope they rebound.”


“Rookie Andrew Wiggins should make up for the heartbreak of losing Kevin Love. Now if only Ricky Rubio’s puppy-dog eyes would help him make easy baskets.”


“They won two titles in three years—Timber-whats?”

Gophers Football

“Decent team but rough schedule—playing Ohio State, Nebraska, and Wisconsin three weeks in a row is going to leave them Buckeyed, Husked, and Badgered.”

Gophers Women’s Basketball

“After a dozen years, Pam Borton is out—those are some big heels to fill.”


“Sure, they won their first playoff series in 11 years last season, but it’s still going to be an uphill skate.”


“Joe who? How about those pour-your-own-beer stations?”