Great Expectations

What 2014 may (or may not) bring



Realizing the allure of reasonably priced duvets and fresh popovers, Eric and Andrew Dayton (The Bachelor Farmer/Askov Finalyson) reopen Dayton’s.

R.T. Rybak, tired of sitting on the sidelines, stages a bloodless coup at City Hall, becomes mayor for life.

The Metrodome becomes Biosphere 4, with researchers living off old Dome Dogs.

Dessa plays Prince’s rival in the Purple Rain sequel, Rain Harder.

The Coen Brothers begin filming the first comedy about fracking: Williston.

A flying Asian carp knocks Gov. Dayton out cold at the fishing opener.

Realistic Resolutions

The plan: Canoe the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness.
The reality: Pup tent in backyard.

The plan: Create the world’s new largest ball of twine.
The reality: Give up after realizing no one uses twine anymore, including you.

The plan: Try making your own craft cocktail, with absinthe, properly sized ice, and some other stuff.
The reality: Captain and Coke.

The plan: Dress better.
The reality: Patch the Zubaz.

The plan: Hunt for morels.
The reality: Stomach pumped, resolve to never eat stuff picked off rotten logs again.

The plan: Re-open Dayton’s.
The reality: Go shopping at Macy’s.