15 Things That Should Only Happen on Leap Year

Some things should join February 29 in only showing their face every four years. (Or never.)

I have no beef with February 29. The following items, however, I could do without. Which is why they’ve made my “Leap Year List”: 15 things I’d be delighted to see come around just once every four years—or disappear altogether. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

1. Facebook reformats. Because it will take me that long to figure out the new one.

2. Subscription renewals. Yes, I still want the newspaper. If I didn’t, I would have canceled my service.

3. Taxes. How awesome would that return be?!

4. Winter.

5. Junk mail. One day every four years, feel free to flood my mailbox, State Farm Insurance and Comcast. But those other 1,460 days? Keep it to yourself.

6. McDonalds claiming to be healthy. You’re not fooling anyone, Ronald.

7. Buying a calendar. By the time I remember to get this year’s, it will already be May (and that’s being generous). Why not save us the headache and just make them in four-year spans?

8. George Lucas retouching any of the Star Wars movies. LEAVE THEM ALONE ALREADY.

9. New fashion trends. (See explanation #1.)

10. Changing the food pyramid. Er, prism. Wait, it’s a plate now? Whatever: stop eating junk food. Eat an apple. The end.

11. That time of the month. (Men, I know you’re nodding, too.)

12. Bumping into exes, high-school acquaintances, pretend friends, or anyone else who falls into the awkward-encounters category.

13. Movies starring Nicolas Cage. Or Kirsten Dunst.

14. McRibs. Again, McDonalds, nice try, but no cigar.

15. Re-re-releases of old movies. No, I don’t want to see Titanic in 3D. Or Blu-ray. Or in an extended 7-hour version with commentary from anyone who had anything to do with any part of the film. If I want to watch it, I’ll pop in the VHS tape I still own, thanks.

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