Over the years I have written more than one love letter to my house. On the advice of therapists and spiritual advisors, I was encouraged to release my house emotionally so it would sell. I thought I had already accomplished that piece, but yesterday my house and I officially broke up. It was awful. There were tears, regrets, memories… and one final goodbye. Then we parted ways. I moved out. As dramatic as I’m being about this, it really was all that. This was the first home I’d ever owned. This was the place I brought my babies home to when they were born. This was the house where my marriage fell apart. It was also the place where the kids and I rebuilt what was left of our family, and then we added handsome fiancé to our clan. Even our dog’s ashes are in the garden. A lot has happened inside those walls. But, it was time to move on and I thought I was prepared. The kids and I reminisced this last week about the good times we had in the house and we had one last big Shabbat dinner Friday night. And then moving day arrived.
Not only was the packing and schlepping physically brutal, but the emotional toll was crippling. In the recesses of certain closets were forgotten photo albums of my first husband and me at our engagement party, or wedding or from high school. It was fun to look at first but the weight of the move and the flood of memories was at times overwhelming. I broke down numerous times only to be interrupted by questions from the movers. Everywhere I looked there were ghosts of my toddlers playing in leaves, hiding in the basement or sleeping in their cribs. There was my ex-husband loving me and hating me, the shadow of the man telling me he’s leaving me for someone else still lingers on the back deck. I was glad to leave him there.
At one point one of the movers put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Moving is very stressful, it’s ok.”
The only good thing about moving day is that it’s over. I am now glad to have felt all those emotions—clearly they needed to be released. My kids were champs; they are excited about the new house we’re renovating and ready to move on. We never could have pulled it all together without the help from friends and family. Sally, who took multiple trips to Goodwill with her minivan stuffed with my stuff. My in-laws-to-be Joni and Stu who brought over bagels for breakfast, and schlepped garbage bags to the curb and cleaned out my fridge. And Julia, my dear friend who’s letting the five of us live in her home for a month while our new house is finished. Thank you!
Now, I’m ready to move out and move on, really I am.
This week I wish you lots of support in packing up old baggage and much joy in creating new memories in your next move.