When Katherine Gyolai’s 21-year-old son with Down syndrome asked if he could download Tinder, her immediate response was “absolutely not.”
As a mother and stepmother to eight adult children, four of whom have intellectual disabilities, Gyolai knows the risks dating apps and online services can pose to this community—two of her children have fallen victim to online scams. “I hear stories and stories of people who are taken advantage of,” she says. “Yet, it’s ingrained to want love and friendship and connection, the same things you and I want.”
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In an effort to help her kids find these connections in a safer environment, Gyolai started searching for online services that could accommodate their needs, but she came back empty-handed. “This is something I’m really passionate about, helping my kids in all areas of their lives, especially navigating life with an intellectual disability,” Gyolai explains. “So I said, ‘If there isn’t something like this that exists, I’m going to make one.'”
About a month ago, after workshopping the idea with other parents, Gyolai launched Find Love Safely—a personalized matchmaking service for adults with intellectual disabilities in the Twin Cities metro.
Here’s how it works: Participants start by filling out an online intake form with their legal guardian before scheduling a Zoom call with Gyolai. “You are not officially a member of Find Love Safely until we have that Zoom call,” she says. “That’s my way of making sure people are who they say they are, that they have their guardian’s support, etc.” Having this conversation gives Gyolai a better understanding of the participants’ values and what kind of connection they’re looking for, as well as their communication skills and level of functioning.
Then, the magic happens: As the member database grows, Gyolai pairs users she thinks will be compatible, and reaches out to their respective guardians with a profile sheet of information about the match. “It’s up to the guardians whether or not they reach out and connect with one another,” she says. “It’s really like old-school matchmaking.”
iStock, courtesy of Find Love Safely
“The community response is overwhelmingly positive,” Gyolai says. “So many times I’ve heard people say, ‘I know four people right now who I’m gonna pass your name along to,’ and I believe that they do.” The service has also caught the eye of several nonprofits and advocacy organizations, including Down Syndrome Association of Minnesota, Best Buddies, True Friends, and the Pacer Center, all of which have reached out to Gyolai to learn more. “I can see the light bulb go off in people’s heads when I tell them what I’m doing,” she says.
This Valentine’s Day, Find Love Safely is hosting a free speed-dating event for adults with intellectual disabilities, sponsored by InControl. “I wanted them to be able to take part in the excitement around Valentine’s Day,” Gyolai says. “I want them to get dressed up, and I want them to learn some skills about how to date, how to talk to people, to be in the mindset of, ‘I’m sitting across the table from somebody I might want to see again.’ They don’t get that experience very much, if at all.”
Throughout the event, attendees will be able to practice their dating and conversational skills with several potential matches. If there’s a spark (or a friendship connection!), participants can fill out a form indicating who they would like to reconnect with again, and Gyolai will follow up.
The event will take place Friday, Feb. 14 from 4:30-6 p.m. in St. Paul (exact location is sent to attendees upon registration). All ages 18 and above are welcome to register online, and guardians must be present at the event. Participants who register before Feb. 14 will also receive a free lifetime membership to Find Love Safely’s matchmaking service.
While the service is still fairly new, Gyolai is already looking towards the future. Her goal is to ultimately expand Find Love Safely outside of the Twin Cities to other metropolitan areas around the country. And hopefully, she says, there will be more dating-focused in-person events to look forward to.
